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Office Space…

I find myself surrounded by morons. Everywhere I turn there’s another shining example of the de-evolution of humankind. The most plaguing of these examples is currently my co-worker, aptly dubbed Office Douche.
Now, Office Douche earned this moniker by way of a looooooong list of mind blowingly stupid actions.
For instance, I’ve called his office extension, letting the line ring 15-20 times only to walk to his office to find him sitting at the desk, staring at the ceiling.
Me: “You didn’t hear the phone ringing?”
Him: “Oh, I didn’t know it was for me.”
Keep in mind that he is the only inhabitant of this office…

One day, we had a shipment to send via FedEx for which we didn’t have the appropriate paperwork to put on the box. I spoke to the lovely people of FedEx and asked them to send the paperwork with the driver when he picks up the shipment. They agree and I update Office Douche to let him know the paperwork is on its way.
FedEx Guy arrives and gives the paperwork to Office Douche to give to me. He comes in my office with the paperwork in hand and tells me that the driver told him that for future reference we can also find it online.

Me: Ok. Well, she (the lady I talked to at FedEx) said she’ll have the driver bring us some.
Him: Well he didn’t know.
Me thinking: (Then why did he bring it in here and hand it to you?)
Me: Well, it’s ok, we have some now.
Him: But he said it’s all online.
Me: But we have some now. It’s in your hand. We can use this.

Did I do something in a past life and now I deserve to be tortured by this nonsense?!

He is Peruvian but has been living in the United States for a considerable length of time. Peru, in case you didn’t know is a Latin country in South America.
Imagine my surprise, while placing an order for lunch with a Mexican lady that makes tacos, quesadillas and other deliciousness to order, to hear him ask “what is a taco?” “what is a quesadilla?”
Umm.. WHAT? Are you effing serious? Not only are you a Spanish-speaking native of a Latin country that traditionally makes both of these food items, you have to drive past a Taco Bell EVERY SINGLE DAY on your way to work.
Please. Shoot. Me.

Oh! How about the time I put together a package we had to send out. On both sides of this flat package, in GIANT, King Size Sharpie I write “ATTN: Connie A*******”.
I take said package to Office Douche to process through the UPS, which is on his computer.
Me: “Hey. This pkg has to go to [Company Name] at 123 Main Street. Attention Connie A*******. The address will pop up automatically when you input [Company Name] into the UPS program.”
Him (now holding the pkg): “Ok. No problem. What was the address again?”
Me: “123 Main Street. It’s already in there you just have to type [Company Name].”
Him: “oh yeah ok ok. What’s the name it’s going to?”
Me: “It’s written in giant letters in front of you. In your hand.”
Him: “Oh yeah…”

I wish that I could say these occurrences were rare. I wish I could say that this was some young kid right out of school and not a 45+ year old man with a degree* qualifying him for his position (*I do not believe that this degree actually exists). But I can’t. This is all too real. Nonsense of this caliber can happen at any given moment of any day.

What has happened to people? What happened to cognitive thought? Hell.. What happened to THOUGHT? This guy is but one example of the type of people I find myself surrounded by on a near daily basis. The future looks scarier and scarier every day.
These people are out there! They’re procreating. They’re voting. They’re running businesses and manufacturing your products and driving your kids’ school bus and it’s only getting worse. The Zombie Apocalypse is happening now, only they don’t have any need for brains.. as a snack or otherwise.

I wish there was a legal way for me to walk around like Casey Jones, trusty hockey stick in hand, beating the sense back into people while humming Another One Bites The Dust. But alas, I’m not that lucky.
Instead I just get to display their stupidity on the world stage for your enjoyment…

Casey Jones

Playing Butt Animals for the first time in ages!

The rules are easy;
Draw a butt.
The person next to you makes an animal out of that butt.
It cannot be the animal’s butt.
After their butt animal is drawn, they draw a butt and play continues to the next person.
Continue on til you run out of ideas or pee your pants laughing at what you come up with!!

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